Yes, I am a recovered bulimic. The reason I struggled with bulimia was because I had previously attempted anorexia. It might sound ironic, but that’s how my journey unfolded. Some weeks, I managed to stick to extreme fasting, but most weeks, I found myself trapped in cycles of binging and purging, or overexercising. This happened during my time as an aerobics and step instructor, which provided a convenient cover.
I resided in Calgary at the time, teaching at a 24-hour gym. This setup allowed me to teach classes during the day and return at midnight to secretly sweat out my guilt on the stair climber.
It’s been over 25 years since I engaged in those destructive actions, but confronting those memories has been crucial for moving forward in life.
Recently, I stumbled upon the Apple TV series “Physical.” Have you seen it? The initial episodes were deeply challenging for me to watch. So much so that I had to turn it off and spend what felt like hours staring at the ceiling. I had encountered a ghost from my past – my own ghost.
First, it was tough to hear the lead character’s inner voice, almost screaming at times. Secondly, it hit me that I knew that voice; it was my inner self from two decades ago.
I’ve always been open about this part of my life because it’s what shaped my entire philosophy of exercise. I turned to boxing, not just as an exercise but as a way to combat the urge to purge. It helped me gain mental clarity, reducing my cravings to binge. It took about a year for me to break free from that destructive cycle.
I learned so much from this experience that I began teaching boxing, the real deal, not boxercise or sparring. But eventually, I realized that this intense form of exercise wasn’t sustainable for a lifetime.
Over the years, my approach to exercise shifted towards kindness to our bodies. It’s about listening to our bodies, knowing when to push ourselves for progress and when to ease off to prevent injury. It’s a journey of rewiring our brains to reconnect with our bodies, especially when we spend most of our days lost in our thoughts.
If any of you would like to discuss your experiences, please don’t hesitate to reach out.